Allie Janisch (Alicia Nicole Janisch, formerly Alicia Cook) was so many things to so many people. She was a skilled and gifted photographer, a tenacious businesswoman, an incomparably devoted and loving mother, a shoulder to cry on, a trustworthy ear, a wise advisor, a committed partner, a sister, a daughter, an aunt, a godmother. And for many years, she was my partner in crime and my muse.

We were together from 2009 to 2020, and despite a painful and regretful separation, we remained dear friends and kindred spirits. Her photography can be seen throughout this site as well as in the gallery above, and half the songs I ever wrote—during a career which probably would not have existed without her help—were about her. She tragically passed on to the hereafter on December 3rd, 2023, leaving many broken hearts behind. This is my little corner of the internet dedicated to the person whose value and importance to me cannot be overstated. It’s a collection of everything that I’ve made public since she crossed over to the other side.

June 30th, 2024

After weeks of planning and many tears, I’ve finally managed to put together a DJ mix of some of the songs that meant something to us, some that have helped me through this, and some that I wrote for her both before and after this happened. A few of them were played at her memorial show at Kulture Music Hall in Denver, but most of them were not as I stepped off the decks early to give time to her other DJ friends. At over 2 hours and 30 minutes, this mix is long like our story was. I recorded it live in my AirBnB here in Grass Valley, Oregon, where I’m traveling for the Space Oasis music festival, hosted by our mutual friend Jesse Scott AKA J Scott G.

Shortly before she died, Allie commented to me that she loved the work that Jesse and I did. And though that work is not included in this mix as it wouldn’t be the right vibe, she’ll be happy to know that I’ll be playing those tunes in my other set tonight at the show.

I hope you enjoy this journey through 14 years.

April 7th, 2024 – 11:14AM

Allie,

I made you one more song.

One of our earliest shoots together was on train tracks. Not long after, you would lend your image to the cover of my “Static” release. And this TV I found on Facebook marketplace is a VCR/DVD combo, evoking memories of your Velcro City Records (VCR) shoot with all that unspooled VHS tape everywhere. I didn’t really plan for there to be so many allusions to the past in this video. That’s just kinda how it turned out.

The video on the screen practically edited itself. I used parts of our old proposal video, combined with the slideshow I put together for your memorial service. I felt that both deserved to be seen and remembered, but that to simply edit them alone by themselves would be bland and basic. So I ran them through this TV from my laptop using an HDMI to RCA converter.

CRT TVs are notoriously difficult to film because their refresh rate differs from most modern phones and cameras. So by default you get scan lines and ripples that can really obscure the image. Perhaps the most ironic thing about this video is that I learned how to use a DSLR—your weapon of choice—in order to capture it. I also experimented with time-lapsing by playing back some of the clips in slow motion and speeding them up later. So you’ll see the sky change a bit, and the cars in the background race by at unnatural speeds.

Oh yeah, speaking of time-lapses, I used the video for Light Up The Night, too. I had to include that one. It was your song, after all.

You always wanted people to know how integral you were in everything. You always wanted your due credit and praise. Now you have it. And you always will.

Eulogy at Kulture Music Hall – January 20th, 2024

In 2009, I met a photographer. She was hired to do a photoshoot for some indie artists that happened to include me. She showed up like she always did; dressed to impress in high heels with perfect hair and perfect makeup around those sparkling eyes, with a radiant smile on her face, equal parts charming and clever, and ready to immortalize moments in time with her camera. She told me I was photogenic, and spent extra time shooting me. The other artists were a little jealous. Needless to say, I didn’t protest. I worked up the courage to ask for her number, and the rest is history.

It wasn’t long after that photoshoot that she introduced me to her son when he was just 18 months old, rambunctious, and frequently making gigantic messes in their living room with baby powder. It was easy to fall in love with both of them. But Asher and I formed an unbreakable bond that was unquestionably at least half the reason she loved me. She gave me the greatest gift I’ve ever received; the opportunity to be a stepparent to her son, who bears the spark, humor, and seemingly endless well of love that could only be inherited from his mother.

Allie believed in me when few others did. She advocated for me when no one else would. She wants me to remember that, and I owe it to her to say it. I was a socially awkward introvert when she found me, and she used her skills as an extroverted social butterfly to elevate us. Because she could walk into a room like she owned the place and get the carpet rolled out for her. She frequently did, and for a long time, I was fortunate enough to follow her in, soaking up some of her confidence along the way.

Strength like hers is rare, and she, unlike me, had the poker face of a pro. There was no shortage of challenges, but she rarely if ever folded, especially when it came to Asher. She’d look a T-Rex in the mouth if it meant protecting him. Love like that doesn’t fade. It’s eternal. Its presence can be felt everywhere.

Allie, I’ve done my best to write words that would make you smile instead of rolling your big, beautiful eyes at me. Because you deserve it. You deserve credit for helping to create the best years of my life—of so many lives. You deserve to be showered in praise for all the things you did for other people, even when everybody would’ve understood if you didn’t. You deserve to be remembered forever, and celebrated forever, and spoken of highly forever.

Thank you for your strength. Thank you for your unparalleled, unconditional love and forgiveness. Thank you for your unshakable faith. Thank you for opening up to me in those last few conversations we had. Thank you for all of your insight and guidance and help. Thank you for every precious moment you caught with a lens. Thank you for the long road trips, the campouts, the raves and the club nights. Thank you for the romps around the neighborhood, and the playgrounds, and the bounce castles, and the corn mazes, and the trick-or-treating, and Pirate’s Cove, and LegoLand, and Disney World. Thank you for the adventures on Lake McConaughey, and in the Black Rock Desert.

Thank you for being there for me when Digger died.

Thank you for that day at Flipside in Texas when I looked at you and I saw a guardian angel.

Thank you for making me a part of your family.

And last but not least, thank you for the music.

I will cherish all of it forever.

I can’t wait to sit down with you, have some of your favorite tiramisu, listen to some Kyle Watson, and regale in the tales of our glory days again. In the meantime, I’ll do my best to make you proud, and to honor your memory.

I love you, Allie.

Facebook Post – December 4th, 2023

The last time I saw Allie, we regaled in tales of the meteoric times we had together. She expressed how much she wanted to see me do more with kids, like become a teacher. She loved and believed in me so much, even when I didn’t deserve it. Because that’s what she does; she loves. She loves her family, and her tribe, and her son like the fabric of the universe depends on it.

We last spoke on Thursday, November 30th, 2023. She said she hadn’t been feeling well. I expressed in so few words that I needed her to be OK. I felt like she needed to know, even though I knew she already did.

Three days later—Sunday, December 3rd, 2023—I received the worst call of my life.

This kind of grief feels like the universe folding in on itself. Time freezes, and all that remains is a feeling of incalculable loss. Memories flash at lightning speed. It’s as if all the conversations are happening again, all at once. The only glimmer of light is the blessing that they happened at all.

Allie, not a second will go by for the rest of my life that I am not grateful for the time that we shared, and that we finally made peace with the pain that burned as brightly as our decade-long adventure did.

You are one of the smartest, most driven, most fiercely independent people I’ve ever known. You have a gift to carry so much, and make it look easy, even when those closest to you know that it isn’t. You taught me that love doesn’t have to fade just because two people are no longer able to be together, and that family is what we make it. I’m so glad we got to call each other family all the way up to Sunday, and will continue to.

Thank you for allowing me to be close to your son, who exhibits your passion, compassion, and brilliance in everything he says and does. Thank you for capturing so many unbelievable moments with a lens. Thank you for your forgiveness. Thank you for introducing me to what it meant to be “home.” Thank you for the baby powder messes and the grasshopper catching and the Halloween costumes and the Pokémon Go and the binge-watching and the debating and the afternoons at the kitchen table with my headphones on. Thank you for the gigs, and the playa dust, and the words on the temple wall, and the cover art, and the ad-libbing with me on parody videos.

Thank you for making me believe in the impossible. Thank you for taking a 20-something with no direction and showing him that dreams can come true. And thank you for teaching me that just because a story doesn’t go the way it was envisioned, doesn’t mean it can’t be something beautiful.

Thank you so much for everything, Starfish. And as they say, “this isn’t ‘goodbye,’ it’s ‘see you soon.”

With eternal love,

~ Goldfish

Facebook Post (GoFundMe for Asher’s Trust) – December 5th, 2023

On Saturday night, Alicia Nicole Janisch—the loving mother of my stepson, Asher—tragically passed away, while they were both at home. Some of her closest friends have organized a Special Needs Trust (SNT) to provide Asher with critical support during this unimaginably difficult time. Any contribution you can make would mean the world to all of us.

Asher has endured more than anyone his age—or any age, for that matter—should ever have to. From growing up with the challenges of being neurodivergent, to being rushed to the emergency room with ketosis from then-undiagnosed type-1 diabetes, to this devastating event… this pure, sweet, clever, funny, creative, innocent, incomparably compassionate soul has nevertheless persisted. You might not know he has been through so much if you spoke to him. But we want to ensure he has everything he needs to heal and recover from the pain that he doesn’t always show.

His mother loved him—loves him—with every atom in her being, and she made sure he never questioned that for a moment. My whole world, and the worlds of every other person close to them has been forever transformed by this loss. But it still doesn’t compare to what he must be feeling right now.

In the humblest way that I can ask for your help, please give whatever you can for the benefit of Little Man Danger.

“This SNT is designed to provide for Asher’s unique needs while maintaining his eligibility for vital government benefits like Medicaid or Supplemental Security Income (SSI). Here are the important features of this trust:

Preservation of Government Benefits: The SNT ensures that its assets are not considered Asher’s, preserving his eligibility for government assistance.

Controlled Distributions: A trustworthy trustee will manage the trust’s funds, ensuring they are used for Asher’s essential needs, including his educational, healthcare, and personal care expenses, particularly for his diabetes management.

Investment for Growth: The trust will be invested strategically to ensure growth and sustainability, providing support for Asher throughout his life.

Flexibility and Protection: Customized to Asher’s specific needs, the trust offers protection from creditors and ensures responsible fund management over his lifetime.”

Thank you all so much for everything.

~ Joey

Facebook Post (Preparation for Memorial Services) – January 8th, 2024

January 20th will be Allie Janisch’s day.

Her Celebration of Life will be from 10AM-1PM at Calvary South Denver.

Following her Celebration of Life, some of her nearest and dearest will be hosting “One More Dance for Allie,” an afterparty at Kulture Music Hall from 5-8PM. There will be an opportunity to share memories at 6PM. Her tribe of DJs will be playing throughout, and curating playlists of some of the tracks that defined their time together. Later in the evening, the Stanton Warriors show hosted by Sounds of Bass will be taking place at the same venue.

A trust is being put in place for her son Asher to ensure he receives critical support related to his type-1 diabetes, neurodivergence, and grief moving forward. Donations for the trust can be made via the QR code or by following the link below. As this event will be free, anything that can be contributed to this trust would be greatly appreciated.

Allie’s untimely passing has altered the course of so many lives. She was nothing short of magnetic. It was easy to get pulled into her orbit, and a blessing to be there. She emanated love, and embodied ambition, commitment, creativity, and tenacity. Behind a lens, she documented incredible moments in time that many can only dream of experiencing. In the hemp industry, she sought to aid the world. And her dedication to her friends and family—particularly her son—was incomparable. She was present for the creation of so much art and music, much of which was made just for her. And if you were fortunate enough to know her, you understand why.

Join us in celebration and remembrance of Allie, the shooting star that lit up our lives with her wit, charm, and gigantic heart.

Facebook Post & Instagram Post – December 30th, 2023

On December 2nd, Allie Janisch—my partner from 2009-2020–passed away. I’ve talked about it a bunch already, but I don’t feel like I can continue making content without giving her the credit she deserves.

Allie introduced me to It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia back when it was only a few years old. And over the next decade, we watched it religiously together.

There’s a good chance that none of the remixes would’ve happened without her. She was there for every one, lending her insight.

She was there when they circled the earth. She was there when the cast members discovered them. She was there celebrating with me. She was there to tell me not to let the hype go to my head, which it did anyway. She called herself the “producer wrangler.” But there was no wrangling me. I was the wild card, bitches. Yeehaw.

Whether I was working on my laptop in her tiny little kitchen in Lakewood, or on her desktop in Littleton, she was watching while I ripped clips and auto-tuned audio and spliced video for no reason other than the humor in that show was injected into our DNA mutually. If it made her laugh, I knew it was gold. If it didn’t, I scrapped it.

We even made the switch to HD together, and broke the new TV in with It’s Always Sunny.

The Gang became a part of us.

From the moment that I met her, she affected the course of my entire life. And I wouldn’t trade any of it for anything. Not even a date with Margaret McPoyle.

I don’t know if I’ll ever do another Sunny mix—I don’t know how I could without you around to roll your eyes at my bad ideas—but if I do, it’s for you, Owlie.

“The city lights go by

Like a billion shooting stars

Losing track of time

Forgetting where we are

And there’s a million different people

Who are drifting through the night

But it’s you and I

Who will make this night come alive.”

And we did, kid. We lit it up bright enough for the whole world to see.

Facebook Post – September 19, 2024

Allie Janisch and I both shared “units of love” tattoos on our wrists with semicolons to commemorate the tribute Above & Beyond did for Digger at Red Rocks. My tattoo makes a brief appearance. Hers had an arrow like the one I drew here. And, of course, I had to include an owl. I animated all this on my iPad, which took about a month. I put a parrot in there for Genell, and the dashboard of Tony’s truck as I saw it while we were cruising through Maui. Asher was happy to make a brief appearance too, at the train tracks where I did the video for his mom, and at the apartment complex here in Austin that just so happens to bear his name.

Adrianne Grady, I hope you know that the lyrics you wrote for this are beyond perfect. They touch on so many of the emotions experienced throughout all this. I’m looking forward to making more music with you. You are incredibly talented.

November 11th, 2024

There is a level of grief that feels like drowning every day.

You can’t speak of it because you can’t breathe when you try to, and you swear that you won’t survive it. But somehow you do. Your heart keeps beating and your body keeps moving even when your mind is still frozen in that moment when the line between your worst fears and reality blurred out of sight.

You carry on conversations in your concrete shoes. You smile and laugh and make small talk with the cashier at the grocery store who will never know how you waded through swamp water just for that fleeting moment of feigned humanity. And every once in a while, your head actually breaks the surface, your lungs fill with air, and you remember who you used to be.

And then you catch a whiff of a candle, or hear a familiar melody, and down you go again.

But I’m told the breaths get more frequent with time.

December 26th, 2024

Allie visited me on Christmas night, because of course she did.

I dreamed that we were walking through a record store in some old brick building not unlike the one where we first met. The song “Here Without You” by 3 Doors Down was playing; I never really connected with that era of early 2000s bro Rock, but the song has definitely taken on new meaning. We skimmed through racks of CDs, found a binder catalog, flipped through the pages, and reminisced about how we got to live through the last of the years when most people still cherished the music they listened to so much that they went out and bought the whole album.

She put her hand on my shoulder and said, “it was a special time.”

March 20th, 2025

Miss you all the time, kid.

Wish you were here to celebrate so many things with us.

In one of our last conversations, you said your favorite stuff of mine was the stuff I did with J Scott G, and I just did a remix for him, for the first time in 13 years. It has you written all over it. I can practically taste the playa dust.

A big TikToker I follow did a song that could’ve been written about all of this, and I had to reach out and ask if I could do a remix. And he said it was one of his favorite remixes he’s ever heard of his stuff. When everybody hears it, they’ll understand.

Danger Man is here for Spring Break, and we’re in the highest spirits we’ve been in since a year and a half ago.

You’ll be so missed in Oregon this summer, when some of our crew will be uniting once again.

I hope I’m doing you justice.

I’m trying.

And I won’t stop.

April 2nd, 2025

August 24th, 2025

January 27th, 2026

When I first heard Ghost Servo’s “Another Life,” I was brought to tears by how eerily relevant the lyrics were to the profound grief I was experiencing over the recent loss of my ex-partner and friend, Allie Janisch. I reached out to Ghost Servo creator Artimus Wolz via TikTok and explained how I felt that I was being called on to remix the song as a tribute to Allie.

This marked the beginning of my collaboration and friendship with Artimus, who eventually made the trek down to my neck of the woods in Austin to help produce this video.

Through all the pain and grief and regret and otherworldly synchronicities, I have come to know one thing for certain: one day, we will dance again.

Director: Joseph Mancuso
Co-producers: Artimus Wolz, Gautam Arya, Adrianne Grady
Cinematography: Logan D. Presley
Lighter/Gaffer: Colin Pham
Art car: The Purple Panther
Lasers by: Motion Lasers (motionlasers.com)
Location provided by: Vector Collective