A Letter to MAGA

Dear MAGA,

I know you think everyone is weeping under your ruthless iron fists.

But the reality is, 2020 has been the single most self-affirming, vindicating year of my entire life. I’ve laughed every day.

I knew you motherfuckers were evil. I knew it, and I tried to warn everyone, and no one listened. Now, I literally have people contacting me on a regular basis, telling me they’re sorry for calling me crazy. I’ve probably never been more secure in myself in my entire life.

The harder you push, the louder I say, “I fucking told you so.”

You think that’s “owning” anyone? Y’all are playing yourselves for the fools everyone knows you are.

Even if I had my hands tied behind my back and a gun to my head over a mass grave, I’d still smile and spit in your fucking faces, because it’d just be more of the shit shades of brown and green that are your true colors. I’d die knowing I was on the right side of history.

So keep it up, you fucking losers. You’re doing great. Thanks for making me genuinely love myself for the first time ever, because I take an overwhelming amount of pride in being absolutely nothing like you. And the outcome of this election won’t change that one iota.

In a way, you’ve saved me.

Thank you.